Top Movies Hit-Lists

Shrek Forever After

Dreamworks seems bored with the ogre who laid the golden egg. “Shrek Forever After,” the fourth film in the lucrative franchise, barely tampers with the Shrek formula (one-liners, flatulence jokes, pop tunes) and not enough to breathe life into the exhausted series.

Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) is feeling buried under the celebrity, the diapers and the playdates with Donkey’s dragon-donkey toddlers.

“I used to be an ogre. Now I’m a jolly green joke,” he complains to Fiona (Cameron Diaz).

The fellow who can fix that is Rumpelstiltskin, a lawyerly wizard with a contract and a long-held grudge against the ogre. He trades Shrek the chance to live one day “like it used to be” in exchange for one day earlier in his life. Rumpelstiltskin (Walt Dohrn) makes sure that earlier day was the date of Shrek’s birth.

Even though he was never born, Shrek is still around for his “one day” — feared, no longer a celebrity, no longer friends with Donkey (Eddie Murphy) or Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas), and no longer married to Fiona, who grew up to be the angry leader of the ogre underground resistance to Rumpelstiltskin’s rule.

Witches ravage the land of Far Far Away and terrorize even the ogres. Shrek has to somehow get that “True Love’s Kiss” from Fiona again, and quickly, to set this world right.

The animation has improved from film to film, and “Forever After” has textures and depth of field (thanks to the 3-D) that make the original Shrek seem primitive. They play around with the 3-D a bit — a little dragon flying, a few characters hurled at the camera.

Lots of characters sing in this one — Banderas (the funniest thing about the movie) does a little Bob Marley, Murphy’s Donkey covers Madonna. Rumpelstiltskin hires a certain flute-playing hit man from Hamelin to pipe the ogres to their doom.

But Dreamworks let artist, screenwriter and sometime director Walt Dohrn do the generic Rumpelstiltskin voice, handing over the third most-important character in a billion-dollar franchise to a voice with no menace or personality.

The laughs are few and far between — Puss has lost his boots, but gained a LOT of weight, and witches in a fairytale trailer park launch into “Dueling Banjos.”

Though the “It’s a Wonderful Life” plot gives the whole arc of the Shrek-Fiona story a heartfelt twist, “Forever After” still goes down like warmed-over porridge. You don’t have to be Goldilocks to think that this time they’ve cooked their Golden Goose.

Princess Kaiulani

The true story of how Hawaii lost its sovereignty and became annexed to the United States might have been an interesting one, but it makes for starchy entertainment in the historical drama “Princess Kaiulani.”
Written and directed by Marc Forby and told through the eyes of its title character, a half-Hawaiian, half-Scottish princess (bloodlessly played by “The New World’s” Q’orianka Kilcher) who, in the late 1800s, defended her homeland against American injustice, the film is too reverently drawn and self-consciously played to muster any momentum.
The narrative picks up as ill-defined teen Princess Kaiulani (Is she shy? Headstrong? Snooty?) is sent to Victorian England after a rebel party linked to the American government overthrows the Hawaiian monarchy. Kaiulani moves in with her father’s wealthy trader friend and his family, is humbled and enlightened, and falls for the trader’s self-possessed son (Shaun Evans). But love doesn’t conquer all and, a few years later, a matured Kaiulani returns to America to rally then- President Grover Cleveland on behalf of native Hawaiians, before traveling back to Honolulu for good.
Barry Pepper and Will Patton, fine actors both, are also on hand as American agents of change with differing plans for colonizing Hawaii, but they can do little to ignite this sluggish tribute

MacGruber

The yearlong ’80s flashback that is 2010 continues with “MacGruber,” a comedy that summons up memories of mullets, “MacGyver” and Mike Myers.

A blood-spattered, hit-or-miss, “out there” character comedy of the “Wayne’s World”/”Austin Powers” school, it manages to be nostalgic and profane in equal measures, a movie that’s retro and yet retrofitted to suit the new cutting edge in screen farce.

Will Forte’s thin “Saturday Night Live” sketch is taken to places network TV hasn’t yet been in a game attempt to up the raunch to fit The Age of Judd Apatow. And it’s really funny for about 15 minutes, mildly amusing for 30 more and a bit of a bore for its other half.

MacGruber is an ex-Navy Seal, ex-Army Ranger, former tight end for the University of Texas-El Paso, ex this or that with 16 Purple Hearts and three Congressional Medals of Honor. In other words, “the best.” He’s the guy Col. Faith (Powers Boothe) calls on when arch-villain Dieter Von Cunth (Val Kilmer) steals a Russian bomb in the part of Siberia that looks mysteriously like the desert just outside of Los Angeles.

MacGruber breaks out his vintage Miata, with its removable Blaupunkt stereo, rounds up his team, accidentally gets them killed, and must settle for old colleague Vicki (Kristen Wiig of “SNL”) and Lt. Piper (Ryan Phillippe, the straight man here). They’ve got to track down Von Cunth and keep him from blowing up Washington, D.C. MacGruber needs to rip out a few throats (“That’s my main move.”) and whip up gadgets that he expects to blow up, cripple, distract and otherwise foil the bad guys. (They never do.) Just don’t ask him to use a gun.

“Guns are for the weak,” he hisses. “Guns are for the stupid.”

Like all “SNL” comedies, wacky characters only take this so far. It’s a writer’s movie, very much in the Myers wordplay-comedy tradition, with Forte’s clueless killer agent coining colorful catchphrases and remarking that this or that group of bad guys used to be “a lot less dead than they are now.”

Forte has standard-issue Will Ferrell fearlessness — nervy nudity used to amusing effect, celery stalks included. Wiig, his “SNL” castmate, shares his willingness to take things as far as they need to go to generate at least a little shock. The sex scenes are comically explicit, but more explicit than comical, to be honest.

Kilmer makes a worthy, if somewhat underscripted, villain. And some of the bits — MacGruber idiotically setting traps that the bad guys never fall for — tickle. But this still feels instantly dated.

Nostalgia works because our memories play tricks on us. “MacGyver” was an adolescent’s TV action adventure that hasn’t aged well, and even the best “SNL” sketches became bloated movies that barely hid their shortcomings.

Funny as it sometimes is, “MacGruber” is still a comedy for people juvenile enough to laugh at every F-bomb as though it’s the first time they’ve ever heard a word that naughty.

Prince of Persia

As sword-and-sandal fantasy movies based on videogames and starring a buffed-up Jake Gyllenhaal go, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time goes pretty well. Gyllenhaal plays the grown-up Prince Dastan, adopted as a resourceful street kid by a sixth-century Persian king. Stained a rich George Hamilton teak in adulthood and bravely committed to a hairstyle reminiscent of Facebook-friendless Kip Drordy on South Park, Dastan has two nobly born stepbrothers: Tus (Richard Coyle as the square-featured and hesitant one) and Garsiv (Toby Kebbell as the toothy and bellicose one). Together, they receive counsel from their wily uncle Nazim (Ben Kingsley wearing eyeliner, so beware). On Nazim’s recommendation, the brothers attack the holy city of Alamut, with fateful consequences. Dastan forms an instant rom-com sparring connection with the Alamutian princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton). The princess is serious about her duties as guardian of the dagger that contains a travel-size sample of the legendary sands with which a human can turn back time. Arterton, a current Brit It actress, favors rock-star eye makeup and a mall-teen pout to express Tamina’s deAvotion to weapons and sand.
Lots more stuff happens to these game-board characters, as fans of Jordan Mechner’s popular Prince of Persia videogame already know. To the credit of director Mike Newell (drawing on his Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire wrangling skills), a conclave of screenwriters who keep the dialogue on the sharp side, and the life’s-a-game instincts of producer Jerry Bruckheimer, all that Arabian Nights-like stuff unfolds at a brisk, well-paced clip. Also, the producers had the bright idea of encouraging indispensable Alfred Molina (An Education) to cut loose as Sheikh Amar, a vibrant wheeler-dealer reminiscent of Sydney Greenstreet in Casablanca. I wish the movie weren’t so visually junky-looking, and that the CGI action sequences (involving sand, and weapons, and the possible destruction of the world) weren’t so vacant. But hey, this is what a videogame movie looks like now. I know I can’t turn back time.

Batman Movie Retrospective

Batman (1966) – Adam West and Burt Ward star in this awesome comic book style, campy ‘60s movie. This film is much like the Batman TV series that was airing at the time and feels like a very long syndicated episode. This movie features all of the best Batman villains: Joker, Riddler, Catwomen and the Penguin. The best part of this film is that when it is viewed as a child it comes off as an action film but when re-watched as an adult it is apparent that it is a comedy. With plot points like an exploding shark and a dolphin martyr there is simply no way this film can be taken seriously. Sure some scenes don’t hold up well today because the film is so dated but for the most part this is a rather enjoyable film full of nostalgic power.

Batman (1989) – Hands down the best live action Tim Burton film. Batman finally gets the dark, stylized treatment he deserves. Despite some discrepancies between the comics and this film, it remains one of the best Batman movies of all time. The acting is beyond great and the juxtaposition of Batman and the Joker create for a stunning dichotomy, one that highlights the character’s true traits and shows why the Joker is Batman’s greatest adversary. The heart and soul of this film and one of the best parts is the music. Danny Elfman does an outstanding job and it’s impossible to hear his score without getting goose bumps.

Batman Returns (1992) – This film takes the dark imagery from the previous film and cranks it up ten fold. It’s hard to think that so many kids saw this film because parts of it are just so gruesome. For villains we have a sewer dwelling Penguin and zombie Catwomen. Not exactly comic book faithful. Tim Burton, although taking some creative license, creates a dark and stylish environment that is, aesthetically, very interesting. Placing Batman in a Gotham City winter was a genius move by Tim Burton. It creates this mystical atmosphere not felt to this extent in any other previous Batman film. This movie can get a bit too “Burtony” at times but it is still a great Batman movie.

Batman Forever (1995) – This film marks the departure of Tim Burton and the age of Joel Schumacher. The two directing styles are so different that this movie creates an entirely different Batman and Gotham. Val Kilmer stars as Batman taking on the likes of the Riddler and Two Face played by Jim Carry and Tommy Lee Jones respectively. This film sees the return of Robin as well played by Chris O’Donnell which proves to e one of the highlights of the movie. The Robin origin story is so interesting and really quite gripping. It’s fascinating to see the mirror between Robin and Batman. Jim Carry channels Frank Gorshin here and plays a good Riddler but Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t know what he is doing. Two Face acts like the Joker and it just doesn’t work. This movie isn’t great but it is decent and is worth a watch.

Batman and Robin (1997) – This film is terrible. It ruins Batman’s name. How can you screw up a Batman movie? It’s easy, put Arnold Schwarzenegger and Uma Thurman in it. Some might argue that this film plays homage to the ’60s Batman as it more quirky than Burton’s darker entries. If that’s the case than everyone in this film should be ashamed because not only have they disgraced the old series but they killed Batman for eight years. George Clooney fails at Batman and this is by far his worst performance ever in a movie. Alicia Silverstone enters the franchise as Batgirl. Batgirl has no place in Batman movies, it simply doesn’t work. Silverstone comes off as naive and is more like an armchair hero than an iconic vigilante.

Batman Begins (2005) – Thank god for Chris Nolan. He saved Batman from purgatory and delivers a Batman origin story faithful to the comics and a film full of excellent dialogue. One interesting fact is that the storyline of the Scarecrow poisoning the water supply comes directly from “Batman: The Animated Series” – an amazing feat of animation and story. One downside to this film is the underwhelming usage of Scarecrow. He barely does anything. He is one of Batman’s most interesting villains, preying on the fears of his foes. Yet here, he isn’t used to his full potential. It’s very disheartening. Other than that, this film is the best Batman film since Burton’s 1989 effort.

The Dark Knight (2008) – With a marketing campaign bigger than Apple’s this film was hyped beyond belief. The biggest question going into this movie was whether or not it would deliver…and boy did it ever. With perfect music, perfect acting and a perfect story this film is a must watch for Batman fans or even just fans of good film making. Although this film is excellent and is just as good, if not better, than Burton’s film, it does have its flaws. For one, Christian Bale’s voice for Batman is laughable. It’s so raspy and annoying it’s hard to take him seriously. Also, the film is way too long which makes its replay value suffer a little. It was refreshing to finally see an action movie with very little CGI. The question remains now is: will the next Batman film match up to this one? Time will only tell.